~emo~

Once I feel emo,then I feel like blogging.
Actually emo for many reasons. 1st-ly, of course is my studies. All in a mess. Shit ! thought that i could settle down once i get my own room but who knows, still so lazy. Lagging damn behind. The biggest prob is i lost the momentum or motivation. that's what i'm worrying about. hopefully i can slowly regain my form soon la.
2nd-ly,for the girl i like. I think that she slowly feels that i like her but i think it doesn't matter. Prob is would she ignore me after she knew that?! that's my concern. Just like what i told WeiChun,she won't like me because i could feel the impossibility. She is a nice girl who has guys to let her choose and certainly i'm not the lucky guy. What i'm doing is that i just keep supporting her and hopefully she is feeling great everyday. that's all i'm wishing for.
frankly speaking,i really want to tell her that i like her but when i think of the side-effect then i dare not to do that because i rather remain silent than losing a friend.
I have another stupid thought now. i think i'm going to give up because i feel that my sms will cause her feel irritating as well as i msn her. actually it's gonna to be the only effective solution but i admit that it's a bit too cruel to me because i'm reluctant to give up but something keeps disturbing my mind to have such a silly thought. Should i or shouldn't i?
if i should do that, would i feel regret after making the decision? if i shouldn't do that,is it i'm torturing myself still? it seems quite difficult to find a balance between both decisions.
My evil side tells me that i should give up but another side advises me that i shouldn't do that.
tonight is going to be very emo till can't go to bed although i'm very tired now.Sometime i think properly,there is no source for the emo-ness coming from. just feel that it's not feeling well in the heart but you know there's no solution exist.
i know my feeling towards her is true and she is the 3rd girl that i have such a feeling since PT and WX. If i'm not controling myself well,it's gonna to drive me crazy.lol. sound like a serious stuff but i think i could control myself,perhaps.
ok.going to sleep now.
see ya.